Kindness a cure for loneliness

The end of this month will see the publication of a Royal Commission on Loneliness. Conservative MP Seema Kennedy will take the plans forward started by the late MP Jo Cox with her friend and fellow Labour MP Rachel Reeves.

The Guardian News Paper reported that the pair have revealed the huge amount of work Cox had already carried out on the issue, partnering with 13 different charities and exposing evidence of loneliness across a number of different groups.

“Jo wanted to achieve something practical,” said Kennedy. “So this is all about trying to achieve change that is concrete – not just about sitting around and talking.”

Jo Cox

Age UK in Devon showed that 17% of older people who live alone have less than one contact a week, 11% less than one contact a month

The terms ‘isolation’ and ‘loneliness’ are often used interchangeably, but they refer to two distinct concepts. Isolation refers to separation from social or familial contact, community involvement, or access to services. Loneliness, by contrast, can be understood as an individual’s personal, subjective sense of lacking these things to the extent that they are wanted or needed. It is therefore possible to be isolated without being lonely, and to be lonely without being isolated.

For instance, an older person can be physically isolated (living on one’s own, not seeing many other people etc.) without feeling lonely. For some, physical separation is a result of choice. Similarly, one can feel lonely in the midst of other people. Older family members and care home residents may not appear to be physically isolated, but their relationship with the people they live with may not be enough to ward off loneliness, particularly when the death of friends and loved ones takes away the companionship they need.

Various factors have been found to increase older people’s risk of experiencing loneliness and isolation. Some are related to personal circumstances: for example, loneliness and isolation are more common among people who are widowed or have no children. Others involve life events, such as sudden occurrences like bereavement, or having to move into residential care, or gradual developments that give rise to a perception of having become lonelier over time. Poor physical health and mental health are also associated with loneliness and isolation, as is the expectation of future poor health.

The Church continues to have a presence in some of our most rural communities – a sign of Gods enduring love. The Church seeks to build relationships with people and here in the Diocese of Exeter – the Church of England in Devon we are seeking to serve the community with joy.

Therefore I wonder how can the church work better in partnership to help reduce loneliness?

Churches provide an essential social link for many through church services, coffee mornings, the Mother’s Union, in formal and formal pastoral care. It is also often the first point for support after the death of a loved one and increasing they work with others to talk about death and good death.

But maybe the greatest cure for loneliness are acts of kindness. The Bishop of Leeds, Nick Baines, in his blogg on the 11th November 2016 wrote “I reckon kindness is one of the most underrated virtues in today’s world. It isn’t bland or soft or feeble or weak. It isn’t about namby-pambyism or avoidance of conflict. Kindness comes when, even where it isn’t deserved, we dare to offer an opening to humanity and mercy, regardless of cost or reward. It is more than being nice and it can be very demanding in certain circumstances.”

I hope that the Royal Commission will provide encouragement for us as individuals and churches to reflect how we can increase our ability to demonstrate kindness to those alone.


About Sarah Mullally

If you wanted a blog run by an experienced blogger look elsewhere - I am a beginner. I am a mum, Bishop, Dame and poor potter - welcome.
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One Response to Kindness a cure for loneliness

  1. Ann Davey says:

    Thank you Sarah for bringing loneliness into the open space. It is so important. Five years ago when I retired as a Therapist in the NHS I began a Bereavement Friendship Group at our church- The Minster Church of St Andrew Plymouth. To begin with it was small, now five year later we have over 50 people who turn up every week on a Tuesday. For some it is a place to go to — a reason for getting out of bed to meet someone they have met in the group, for some it is a drop in centre whilst coming into Plymouth to do their shopping. To others it is just a place to cry the complete emptiness and loneliness of being alone, and lonely.
    We have tea, coffee, and homemade cake every week as a treat. I facilitate it, and I have three trained Stress counsellors , two trained Listeners. and a Parish Curate, so that most peoples needs are met.
    I hope more people will take this to their own Parishes as there is such a need. Some of our folk also use ‘Silverline,’ and ‘Age UK.’
    Thank you for flagging up such an important subject.
    With love in Him,
    Ann Davey (Mrs) Facilitator. of Snack ‘N’ Chat. which meets every Tuesday from 10-30–12-30pm

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